Extendedillness

Coping Through an Extended Illness with Small Children

I've been asked before how I got through an extended illness with two small children to care for, alone, for just about 24/7. Jeff was home relatively little when I was sick due to his job, and I pretty much had everything on my own. Here’s what I did in an effort to cope, and how.

First, drop every responsibility you can outside of your home. When you know you're facing several months of severe illness, give up your out-of-the home commitments first. As much as you might enjoy them, right now your health and your family needs all of your limited energy. You can pick them back up as you're able and you have the energy, as you really can't predict how your energy levels are going to be through an extended illness, and making set engagements won't always go as planned.

Second, do what you can to minimize responsibility at home. Find good homes for your pets if at all possible. We gave away our rabbits, cats, and bird so I wouldn't have to use the energy to feed them and clean up their messes and provide them with the necessary time and affection they need. Close off rooms that don't get used often so you don't have to deal with the kids getting in there and potentially making a mess. Don't be afraid to use baby gates and cabinet locks. Have someone come and help you clear the rooms you use the most and child-proof them as much as possible to keep the kids from making a mess. Box up or put away anything that you have to dust or requires regular care. Put away toys with a thousand little pieces that seems to always get lost. Simplify meals as much as you can. Create a safe room in your house. Have one room that is completely child-proofed that has a mattress on the floor or a couch. That way, when you're very sick, you can lay down and rest without worrying about the kids hurting themselves. Keep the room stocked with videos or DVDs, toys, and plenty of drinks and snacks for the kids, and any needed food for you. Put a supply of diapers and wipes, tissue, medications or supplements, extra clothing, blankets, extra food and drink, a garbage can, and anything else you might need outside of the baby-gated door, out of their reach.

Third, get a system in place such as Flylady where you make the maximum use of your time when you are able to work. Prioritize the necessary organizational chores such as washing dishes, doing laundry and providing meals above cleaning tasks such as dusting and removing crayon off of the walls. Learn to set a timer for 15 minutes when you feel like you could do something and get up and get busy. Your first priorities are food and clean clothing. If this seems completely obvious to you, then you don't need Flylady. But if you get so overwhelmed that you don't know where to start once you feel like you can work, which can easily happen if your illness came on suddenly or was a surprise, then Flylady is for you. So once I was on my feet in the mornings (sometimes 8am, other days it wasn't until noon), I had a list of what was most important to accomplish. I get my hair up, dress if I can, get on some shoes, pick up the bathroom and do any quick cleaning needed (swish and swipe), go unload and reload the dishwasher, put away anything that's out of place in the kitchen, pull out/soak/thaw what I need for meals that day (according to the meal schedule), and check the laundry and do what is necessary there. Then I go to the child-proofed room we stay in almost all of the time (the living room) and do any necessary straightening and then vacuum. When you are off of your feet, make a menu so you don't have to think once you're able to get in the kitchen. Have a column for each meal, a column for snacks, and a column for prep work for between breakfast and lunch, lunch and dinner, then after dinner. My menu spreadsheet keeps me from having to think once its done, so on those foggy days I couldn't think or concentrate, that let me know what I needed to do. It also reminds me to thaw the meat, soak the beans or anything else I need to do so I don't get caught without something I need. It eliminates standing in front of the freezer with no clue about what to fix,it's 5 o’clock and everyone is hungry. This also helps you create a shopping list so you have what you need on hand. If your kids are old enough to have access to the fridge, stock the bottom shelf with food and drinks they can have that's healthy and they can get when they need it, with your permission. Keep the fruit bowl full for quick snacks.

Fourth, know your limits and ask for help when you need it. It's better to ask for help for a few hours on one day than it is to have to find someone to keep your kids for three days while you're in the hospital because you made yourself sick when you wouldn't ask for help. Don't guilt over letting the kids watch TV or videos when you're unable to take care of them. They're little enough they won't remember it, and they'll adapt to another change in routine once you're able to care for them again. When you're not at your sickest, have someone go to the library for you and check out several books for you to read to the kids. Line up someone to pick up groceries if you can. This keeps you from having to leave the house and expend energy that you could use on your children or some much needed housework. It also avoids you exposing yourself to illness, which would make your recovery longer and more miserable.

Fifth,write the important things down and post it on your fridge. That way, if you're sick and someone is helping out, they just have to glance at a list of what medications you need at which meal instead of you trying to remember it all when you're foggy. This goes doubly for children's medications, so you can just double check your list instead of forgetting something or giving the wrong dosage when you're too sick to think straight. Pill organizers can be a huge help with this. I use a small arts and crafts case (like what is used to hold punches for scrapbooking) to hold what I need when I'm taking a lot of supplements. This costs about $1-2 at a craft store, and will hold 5 days worth if you take them three times a day. I bought two and now I do enough for ten days at a time.

Finally, cook when you're able and stock up the freezer with meals. When I would go through a bad streak, this meant planning baked goods for breakfast and making them a day or two ahead when I'm having a good spot during the day. When I was up to cooking dinner, I would double or triple it and freeze the leftovers to pull out on days I wasn’t feeling well or use it for lunches in the following days. If you’re having a bad day, you can bump down what is on the menu, put the thawed meat in the fridge for tomorrow, and pull out a quick meal from the freezer and heat it.